Sunday, April 6, 2008

Letting myself go...

I was looking at old pictures on out camera and from other family members websites and have realized how much I have let myself go, even before having Reese. I am disgusted. How did this happen. I think back and in high school I didn't really have to worry about anything else except for looking cute and my mom footed the bill most of the time. Then I get married right out of high school basically and find myself having to take care of myself and my husband while trying to get us both through school. Urgh. Hopefully only 1 1/2 more years! Its crazy how much I thought I looked ok, at least decent and then I look at these pictures and I don't even recognize the woman in the pictures. It is time for a major overhaul...I need a makeover! I need to loose a lot of weight and we need to get out of school. I am very done being a starving student. I only hope and pray and all the funds will work itself out for Jeremy's flight school. Thats why I think I have let myself go, I have to worry, and any of you who know me know I am a constant worry of money, to a freakish point. Very OCD. I worry to much about the future. I am always looking forward trying to make sure my family will be OK and we will be taken care of. I try not to worry and when I don't I feel like we loose it for minute. This will be something I constantly have to work on but this needs to be part of my makeover. Not just a makeover for my looks, which have to wait a little bit, but a makeover of my perspectives and outlooks. I need to stop trying to do everything alone in the worry department, not that Jeremy wouldn't worry as well, I try to take the brunt of it for my family to protect them from worry. I guess its what I do. I need to be better on relying on my Heavenly Father and knowing that He can conquer anything, and He will get me through everything. Sorry for the rant, I just had to write about it somewhere. It probaly doesn't make sense since I was typing away with my thoughts but thats just how I am. Here's to new and improved Tara. One less stressed out hot mama!

4 comments:

BFG said...

You said: "constant worry of money, to a freakish point. Very OCD. I worry to much about the future. I am always looking forward trying to make sure my family will be OK and we will be taken care of. I try not to worry and when I don't I feel like we loose it for minute"

I hate to tell you dear, this is Wendy. She was like this when we got married (she was about your age) and she's worse now. It's a blessing and a curse. You will find a way to make it more a blessing - you're very smart. We love you...

floydfamily said...

At GC tonight Elder Ballard spoke about making sure moms take care of themselves otherwise you cant take from an empty well to fill your family. His talk spoke to me and I saw you my sweet baby. We joke that you blame me for all you bad habits, but it is the truth. You unfortunately were forming alot during of hard times (financially) for us. One part I think you forget is that we NEVER went hungry, we always had a nice place to live, and most important we had each other. Actually some of our best memories....Love yourself!!! Remember you are a daughter of the lord, he loves you, I love you, so love yourself....if you love yourself you are more able to give and show your love for others.

MKShelley said...

One less stressed out hot mama! That's what I like to hear. I think that's going to be my new goal too.

I know we can do this whole weight loss thing. Even if it doesn't seem possible, I know with enough work it is. I've been watching Biggest Loser Australia, and they have totally motivated me to work out more!

Angie said...

I thought it was brave of you to share your feelings. I know it's hard when you are stressed and not happy with yourself. So I wish you luck in your efforts to ditch the stress!

Oh yeah, and when you were talking about a makeover, it reminded me of that movie Clueless when she says "this time I'll makeover my soul!" :)